


distraction

by possumdnp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (kinda), 2019, Anxiety, Introspection, M/M, Pre-Coming-Out Universe, Smut, Video: Basically I'm Gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:27:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22393993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possumdnp/pseuds/possumdnp
Summary: In a few days, Dan's coming out video is going to be posted, and he needs a distraction from the anxiety.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80





	distraction

**Author's Note:**

> Um. So I spontaneously wrote some smut. Enjoy?? :D

Dan stares across the sofa at his phone, anxiety building in his stomach. The phone stares back at him, its dark screen menacing.

He wishes he weren’t so highly-strung sometimes, because it fucking sucks. He hates overthinking everything. He hates looking down at his phone, expecting an angry text from his mum, or - god forbid - his dad. Even though his mum and nana have said they accept him, and he feels all the lighter for it. Even though his dad’s out of his life, and Dan doesn’t give a shit what he thinks anyway.

He hates looking over at his phone and imagining what his life is going to be like in a few days, when the video is live and everyone is going to know _him_ for who he really is. This is the most vulnerable he’s ever purposefully made himself, and it scares the shit out of him, even though it’s something that he knows is right. He knows this is going to make him happier in the long run.

He just wishes it weren’t so difficult.

“Hey.” Phil’s somehow snuck up behind him; Dan guesses he’d been too lost in thought to notice him walk in. “You okay? You seem really serious today.”

Dan sighs. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just, you know, worried. Thinking too much.” He doesn’t have to explain; of course Phil knows what it is he’s worried about.

“C’mon. Let’s go outside.”

They’ve been taking lots of walks lately, leaving their phones at home so they can enjoy the world and not worry about social media. It works surprisingly well, getting them out of their hamster cage and letting them breathe in outside air.

It doesn’t solve all of their problems, of course; there’s the ever-present worry of running into subscribers, but Dan’s been working with his therapist lately to not let that stop him from leaving his home. The last thing he needs is to develop proper agoraphobia on top of all of his other problems.

Still, he pulls the hood of his rain jacket up over his head. It feels like a security blanket, but his therapist says that if this is what he needs to go outside, then that’s okay.

The thing is, in a few days, his life is going to feel completely out of his control. His video, which he’s been working on so intently for months now, will be out of his hands and into the world. He hates feeling like he doesn’t have control over the things that get put out into the world, how other people see him.

He wants it to be over with already, just as badly as he doesn’t want it to happen in the first place.

“You want to talk?” Phil says.

Dan breathes in the outside air. It’s cooler than yesterday, a bit rainy, the sort of weather he likes best. “No. Let’s just walk.”

\---

The walk helps, as does eating take-away Thai food with an anime marathon playing in the background. By the evening, Dan is feeling a bit more relaxed than he was this afternoon, although his brain is just too goddamn _busy._ His foot jiggles on the coffee table, enough that two episodes in, Phil eventually puts a calming hand on Dan’s leg.

“Still anxious?” he says.

“Yeah, I guess,” Dan says. “Sorry. I’d probably be pacing around if we weren’t in the middle of watching this."

Phil pauses the show. “You can, if that would help.”

He shakes his head and looks down. “No. I think what I really want is to be properly busy. I need a distraction or something.”

Phil quirks an eyebrow. “I’d say _‘I can be your distraction,’_ but I think that’s too much of a cheesy pickup line, even for us.”

“Yeah, that’s horrible.” He smiles over at Phil. “But it’d work on me. I’m a simple man, Lester.”

They switch off the tv and bring their plates to the kitchen to do the washing up. Standing and cleaning things already feels better than sitting on the sofa. Dan secretly loves that they don’t feel the need to rush to their bedroom the second that sex is in the cards. He likes the casual domesticity of waiting, of accidentally brushing Phil’s fingers when they’re loading up the dishwasher.

They get undressed by themselves. Dan’s feeling too on-edge to properly strip for Phil, and it’s charming in its own right when Phil stumbles over his skinny jeans and nearly tumbles over.

And then it’s naked skin pressed together on top of the covers, and Dan feels warmth running through his body, like this _will_ actually be the perfect distraction.

“I’m feeling lazy,” Phil says, his voice taking on a note of petulance that Dan struggles not to smile at. “So you’re gonna have to do all of the work, mister I-want-to-be-busy.”

Dan smacks playfully at his ass, and Phil squirms away, a giant grin on his face. “You’re _feeling lazy,_ are you? I thought I was the one who needed cheering up and distraction.” He gives Phil a lingering kiss. “Besides, it’s almost my birthday, you know. I thought the birthday boy was allowed to choose what we do. What if I don’t want you to be lazy?”

Phil lets out a melodramatic groan and starts to roll over. _“Fine._ If the birthday boy insists.”

Dan finally gives into the urge to smile and puts a gentle hand on Phil’s chest to keep him down. He loves winding Phil up like this. “No, you stay there. I know what I want.”

\---

He really doesn’t mind doing all of the work sometimes. Keeping himself busy like this is often the best solution to his bad-brain problems.

He works himself open with well-practiced fingers, playing up his reactions a bit so that Phil’s eyes go a bit foggy with lust. Phil’s gaze is trained on Dan’s lower half, where his fingers are disappearing into his body, where his cock bobs thick between his legs. Dan loves that he can still turn Phil on like this, all of these years later, just with his body.

They sometimes order toys online, just because it’s fun. Phil loves a good impulse-buy, and Dan’s always game to try out whatever crazy new device arrives at their doorstep. But they really don’t _need_ anything fancy to spice up their relationship, because they’re still as crazy about each other as the first time they met. And this is good too, just their mouths and hands and cocks, gentle noises of pleasure and praise, soft and rough touches.

Dan removes his fingers from himself and scoots down on the bed so that his face is level with Phil’s cock. He presses a gentle kiss to the head before licking a stripe up the shaft.

“Fuck,” Phil swears softly from above, and Dan grins.

“You like that, bud?”

“Yeah.”

“I love how verbose you are in bed,” Dan says, dipping down and taking the head of Phil’s cock in his mouth, teasing the underside with his tongue.

“Yeah, well,” Phil says, and he wriggles his hips slightly, clearly trying not to buck up into Dan’s mouth. “Feels nice.”

Dan chuckles and pulls off, wiping at his mouth. “Linguistics degree really paid off, didn’t it?”

Phil just whines and paws at his shoulders, and Dan takes pity, surging upwards to meet his mouth.

And then, not long after, he’s settling himself onto Phil’s cock, keeping eye contact with Phil as he lowers himself downward.

He might have made fun of Phil earlier, but this is truly the best distraction he can think of.

He rocks back and forth in little motions. Phil’s hitting just the right spot, and his mind goes blank and fuzzy with pleasure. He _loves_ this, the sheer simplicity of having sex with Phil. How he doesn’t have to think for a while, because he knows Phil’s body, and he knows his own, and for once, that’s not a bad thing. For once this week, he’s not worried about the shortcomings of his brain and body, how they’ve worked against him in the past to make him feel weak and wrong.

Because his body is good and wanted here. It’s making both of them feel good, and that’s the best and simplest thing of all.

He’s not worried because being with Phil is simple, as easy as breathing. It’s not always straightforward, god no, never with Phil and all of his whims and clumsiness. Every day is a new adventure with Phil.

Like how when Dan rolls his hips just a little bit more, and Phil bites his lip and groans before unexpectedly locking his legs around Dan so he can flip him over.

His back now against the mattress, Dan takes on the new position without question, closing his eyes and just letting his legs fall open. He lets himself enjoy this, allows himself to not worry about the rest of the world. This right here is a respite, and damn it, he’s gonna enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

Phil’s gone quiet, his breath coming in sharp, shaky inhales, warm against Dan’s neck. His hips are juttering in with a force that Dan knows means he’s about to come. Dan reaches up and strokes the short hair at the back of Phil’s neck, pulls him in closer. Phil seems to get the message and moves his mouth down to Dan’s neck.

Phil’s really quite shit at multitasking, but he does his best, mouthing clumsily at Dan’s neck, teeth nibbling softly at his collarbone and adam’s apple. His hips stutter, losing their rhythm for a little bit, distracted by the expanse of Dan’s neck. Dan pushes his hips up from the bed a few times, reminding Phil of what he’s supposed to be doing.

Phil resumes in earnest, and Dan gasps as he comes in between them, not even attempting to hold his orgasm back.

“Thought you were feeling lazy,” Dan says when Phil’s finished too. He pokes at Phil’s side. He’s collapsed half on top of Dan, his softening cock slipping out, making both of them shiver.

“I am,” Phil says. “I was. I dunno.” He’s as incoherent as he always is after he comes, and it makes Dan smile. He takes pity on Phil and rolls him over so he can get out of bed and go clean himself up.

He flips on the light and catches sight of himself in the mirror. His hair is an absolute mess of curls, and his throat is littered with little red marks that will quickly fade. His lips are kissed red, and his stomach is covered in drying come.

He looks well-fucked.

But more than that, he looks well-loved. This is the face of a man whose partner and best friend loves him and trusts him. He’s got other friends who love him, and family members who still love him after he told them the truth about himself.

And so maybe, possibly, he’s starting to love himself just a bit too. That’s maybe the best change of all when he looks in the mirror, is to see someone worth loving and appreciating.

He’s not all the way there yet. He still doubts himself a lot, and even now, some of the anxiety from earlier has returned - a romp in bed with Phil won’t cure him of his overthinking. But it’s now mixed with a satisfied, sleepy feeling. He’s going to be all right, he thinks. No matter what happens when the video gets posted, he’s got Phil and this life they’ve built together. It’s not perfect, but he’s a hell of a lot happier than he used to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Reblog on tumblr [here!](https://possumdnp.tumblr.com/post/190447341370/distraction) <3


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